• Online Dating Tips: The Right Ways And Wrong Ways to Email

    You may or may not be new to the world of online dating, but easy to follow online dating tips can never hurt.  It’s important to understand the importance of correct email communication once you start up a good back-and-forth with a potential dating interest.

    There is a fine line between overselling yourself and selling yourself short. When communicating through email from your online dating service you must catch and keep the other person’s attention. You have to sound interesting, intriguing and engaging. However, you have to hold back a little in order to remain mysterious and keep the other party interesting in learning more about you. Really it all comes down to establishing a balance.online_dating_safety

    Here are some tips for effective online dating email communication:

    1. Play The Game – Dating is kind of a game and you have to play to win. Even if you’re being chased you also have to chase. One of the best things to do when you see an online dating profile you’re interested in is send something simple and enticing such as a quick email establishing a connection with something in their profile. If they like to travel mention something about the last exotic trip you took.That begins the game. You’re revealing barely any information at all other than you’re interested, and that will drive the other person crazy because they’ll want to learn more about you.

    2. Don’t Give Too Much Information Too Soon – Only share enough information about yourself to entice your dating interest. Make sure to keep your answers to questions only one or two sentences long and respond with a sassy tone. Wit is important.

    3. Represent Yourself Honestly – It’s easy to misrepresent yourself when it comes to online dating due to the anonymity the Internet provides us. But, don’t start shaving a few years off your age or making yourself out to be cooler, just be yourself because that is sexy. As long as you’re confident in who you are and portray that confidence during your online dating communication and even remain a little humorous about yourself, it will entice and impress the person you’re communicating with.

    4. Don’t Lead Them On – If you’re not interested in the other person make sure you let them know that ASAP. If someone sends you a message don’t just ignore it, let them know as politely and as respectfully as you can that you don’t feel the both of you are a match. That way, it’s not so much as a rejection as a lack of initial chemistry. In this case, treat others as you would like to be treated when it comes to online dating communication.

    If you’re thinking about organizing an in-person meeting with someone you’ve been communicating with via your online dating profile, make sure to read a previous blog entitled “Internet Dating Safety 101” so you can have fun and be safe.

  • Are You a Normal Dater?

    So are you a normal dater?  Despite our efforts to appreciate the uniqueness of each person, there is something in the human psyche that pushes us to be “normal.” Maybe it’s human herd mentality; but while we each want to stand out from the crowd and be considered exceptional, we also find comfort in being just like everyone else – normal. The problem, of course, is that everyone defines “normal” just a little bit differently. What you consider normal could be considered either boring, risky or risqué by someone else. What each of us perceives to be normal depends on a veritable smorgasbord of things that make us more similar to some people and more different from others: sex, age, education, financial stability, upbringing, politics, life experience, where we live, what we do – and on and on.

    Are you a normal dater?In an historic effort to define “normal” in today’s dating practices and relationships, a group of social scientists has launched an international survey called The Normal Bar Survey. By analyzing the results of the online survey, researchers hope to reveal the common behavioral patterns that are most accepted and valued by today’s daters. The online survey is open to anyone. To participate, click here to go to TheNormalBar.com.

    The Normal Bar project is the brainchild of Chrisanna Northrup, COE of YOU Got Challenged! Inc., an online employee-motivation program. Northrup has assembled a team that gives the project has plenty of academic and practical muscle. Analysis of survey results will be performed by Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington and a well-known author on love, sex and relationships, and Dr. James White, Professor of Sociology and Director of the Center for Social Science Research at George Mason University. After tabulating the results, the trio will reveal the results in a book, The Normal Bar, scheduled for publication next summer.

  • Are Men Afraid of Commitment?

    Please note that this post will take into account those guys that are always on Tinder looking for a hook-up or sending DTF messages to women.

    Are men afraid of commitment more than women?  That question embodies the stereotype that has launched hundreds of movie plots, provided the catalyst for thousands of romance novels, and fueled millions of hours of girl talk. It’s the universal excuse used by both men and women to explain why a relationship isn’t moving to the next level.  But what if we got it wrong? What if single men are no more afraid of commitment than single women?

    Are Men Afraid of Commitment

    A new study funded by Match.com shows that rather than existing at opposite ends of the commitment timeline (women at now and men at never), single men and women are actually traveling along the timeline pretty much together. Men and women may not be walking into the future in lockstep, but they’re moving at a similar pace in the same direction. As a whole, single men are as willing to walk down the aisle as single women.

    In fact, the study of more than 5,000 single men and women age 21 to 65, found that men are generally more receptive to dating outside their race, religion or age group than women. And once they find their soul mate, men are ready to share living space, combine finances and have children more quickly than women.

    Conducted by Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, social historian Stephanie Coontz and the Binghamton University Department of Evolutionary Studies, the study found surprising similarities between male and female desire to form lifelong unions.

    “The mechanisms for attachment for men and women are exactly the same. Just as many men want to get married as women do,” Fisher said in an interview with Time printed, appropriately, in the magazine’s February 14, 2011 issue.

    So if men and women want the same thing, where’s the disconnect? Stay tuned!

  • 90% of People Lie in Online Dating Profiles

    Study found that 90% of people fudge a few facts in their online dating profile.

    It’s the stereotypical online dating horror. You’re attracted to the picture of a great-looking guy or gal. When no flags turn up in emails or phone conversations, you agree to meet. And that’s where the fantasy starts to crumble. Your date looks nothing like his or her dating profile photo. Obviously, your date used either a much younger photo or someone else’s photo for that gorgeous dating headshot that first tempted you to call. Not exactly an honest basis for building a relationship. Even if you were intrigued by your phone conversations, the initial dishonesty can be a deal-breaker. Even worse – and more dangerous — are the “charmers” who flatter and lie, pretending to be someone they’re not.

    Online Dating ProfileWeeding out the pretenders is one of the toughest challenges of online dating and one of the most important, particularly for women. Of course, in every dating situation there’s that scary-exciting feeling of facing the unknown that comes whenever you meet someone new; but online dating subtracts the body language clues that play such an important role in our evaluation of other people.

    A 2007 University of Michigan study found that about 90% of people fudge a few facts in their online dating profiles, usually shaving a few pounds off their weight or adding an inch or two to their height. Most daters expect a bit of that when they use an online dating site. It’s not the majority of little white lies that bother people; it’s the big whoppers.

    It’s human to want to present your best self when you write your online dating profile and choose a dating profile photo, and the temptation to fudge the facts a little – or a lot – is hard for many people to resist. But resist you should because, ultimately, you want to meet someone who is attracted to the real you.

    Next time: Who lies about what on online dating sites?

  • What to Do about Mother’s Day If You’re Dating a Mother

    When you’re dating a mother, how you handle Mother’s Day depends in large part on how long you’ve been dating the woman. If you’re at the beginning of a relationship and barely know her children, it’s best not to intrude on the family’s plans. Because you have not yet become part of the family’s life, your presence would be awkward at best and is likely to be seen as an unwanted intrusion by the woman’s children. Rather than rock the boat; politely bow out. Let your date know that you understand she wants to spend the day with her family and schedule your time together for another day.

    What to do when dating a mom on Mother's DayIf you’ve been dating the woman for a while and have gotten to know her children fairly well, take your cue from them. If the children are still stand-offish (this can be a common reaction to a new man in their mother’s life), let the kids know that you understand this is their special day with their mom and make other plans. If you have become a regular fixture in the family’s life and built a positive relationship with your date’s children, being included in the family’s Mother’s Day plans may be appropriate.

    It’s important, however, not to assume that you’re invited–ask. And don’t just ask your date, ask her children. The kids, particularly if they’re older or adults, may have planned a surprise for their mom that does not include your presence. Sometimes children want their own private time with their parent. Don’t take it personally. Let the children know you understand. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Younger children might need a ride to the store to buy their mom a gift. Just be careful not to outshine the kids with a larger or more expensive gift. If you keep the focus on the mom and her children and you won’t go wrong.


  • Who Lies About What on Online Dating Sites?

    Life is full of little white lies. We fudge a few pounds on our driver’s license, drop a few bucks when we brag about scoring a great deal on a new blazer, recall imaginary “other plans” when we don’t feel like spending time with someone, and use a fictional “important call” to interrupt a boring conversation. The list of little white lies we tell grows longer every day, and it filters over into our online dating profiles. Writing in Scientific American, researcher Robert Epstein discovered that – try not to be shocked! — more than 90% of online daters fudge a few facts in their dating profiles!

    man_dating_onlineMost dating profile lies are fairly harmless: peeling off a few pounds or “growing” an inch or two. In fact, height and weight appear to be responsible for the majority of the little lies circulating on online dating sites. Some of the lying appears to be inadvertent, or at least wishful thinking. A Michigan State University study found that most men overestimate their height by an inch, and most women underestimate their weight by 5 to 20 pounds. The study discovered a direct relationship between a woman’s age and the number of pounds she shaves off her weight. Not surprisingly, the older a woman gets, the more weight she magically drops! Given America’s worship of the tall and thin, it’s not surprising that MSU researchers found that short and fat people tell the biggest whoppers in their online dating profiles.

    Age was found to be another honesty quagmire, although it was more of an issue for women than men. The MSU study found a statistically unrealistic increase in the number of women claiming to be either 29 or between 30 and 34. Men tended to lie more about income and education. One of the more interesting revelations was that only 13% of married men tried to pass themselves off as single.

    What have you lied about in your online dating profile?

  • Keep Your Breath Kissing Fresh

    Nothing stops a romantic moment in its tracks faster than bad breath. Leaning into your date and getting a whiff of onions, garlic, burrito or worse is a real mood killer that doesn’t bode well for a possible second date. Many people turn to Tic Tacs, gum or mouthwash strips to keep their breath kissing fresh when they go on a date. While these quick fixes can help, they merely mask the problem and are no match for serious dragon breath.

    Bad breath occurs when the proteins in the food you eat or in your mucous secretions are broken down by the bacteria on your tongue, releasing stinky sulfur compounds. Nature’s natural antidote is oxygen, bad breathdelivered to your mouth by saliva. If your body fails to produce adequate saliva, nothing happens to neutralize those smelly compounds and your breath starts to smell like week-old garbage.

    Bad breath can be caused by many things, but the primary causes are poor oral hygiene, nasal drip from a cold or allergies, medications that cause dry mouth, your diet and inadequate hydration. Fortunately, you can take steps to tame the dragon and make your breath kissing fresh.

    1. Hydrate. To maintain adequate saliva production, keep your body well hydrated. Eight glasses of water a day are recommended. You’ll get the most benefit if you drink your water straight up.
    2. Brush. Good oral hygiene is critical to keeping your breath sweet-smelling. Brush your teeth and tongue, use a mouthwash that fights plaque and gingivitis and see your dentist annually.
    3. Crunch. Chow down on crunchy, fibrous veggies like cucumbers and celery which produce more saliva because of their high water content. Crunchy veggies also help remove plaque that can feed odor-causing bacteria.
    4. Chew. Sugar-free gum increases saliva production. Look for gum with natural sweeteners like xylitor or sorbitol.
  • How to Read Your Date’s Hand Gestures

    You don’t have to be a palm reader to know that a person’s hand gestures can be as expressive as spoken words. Some people seem to “talk” with their hands, accompanying every word with expressive hand gestures that add to the context of their speech. Other people are economical in their hand gestures, using them sparingly only to emphasize important points. You can learn a lot about a date by watching how he or she uses their hands

    biting_nailsHere’s how to read your date’s hand gestures (no crystal ball or tarot cards needed!):

    • Open hands. An open hand is the classic welcoming symbol. An open hand is an invitation to join a person, a group, or a conversation. Accept the invitation and enjoy yourself.
    • Clenched fists. Watch out if your date clenches his or her fists or pushes their hands out or down in a “stop” motion. While these signs do not necessarily indicate anger, they do signal strong feelings and an unwillingness to compromise. Unless you’re discussing a make or break topic, back off and direct the conversation to a less controversial subject. If you’re past the third date and you run into a brick wall, it’s best to politely stand your ground. If you and your date are at opposite ends of a critical issue, it’s best to recognize that early so you can both move on.
    • Hidden hands. If your date keeps his or her hands hidden behind their back or stuck in their pockets, be wary of what he or she is telling you. Hidden hands are a sign of lying and deceit.

    Fidgety hands. Picking at fingernails, tugging on earlobes, twirling a lock of hair around a finger and twisting your rings are all signs of stress and discomfort. Fidgeting with your hands indicate a lack of confidence or feels vulnerable. Slow down and give your date a chance to relax.

    Your face is the most expressive part of your body and the feature that attracts online daters. Be sure to read more about what facial expressions reveal about your date!

  • Can Lemon Law Tell You If It’s Time to Pucker Up?

    How long does it take to determine whether a date has relationship potential? That’s the question Barney and Robin argue in the Lemon Law episode of CBS’ hit show How I Met Your Mother. Can you, as Lemon Law creator Barney advocates, tell in the first 5 minutes of a date whether it’s going to be a waste of time? Or, as Robin argues, could you miss out on meeting your soul mate if you judge too quickly?

    The Lemon Law of DatingThe speed dating concept would seem to side with Barney’s callous views on attraction, but online dating might lean more toward Robin’s more open approach. When scanning through online dating profiles, most daters make a Barney-inspired snap judgment, based solely on an individual’s dating headshot, about whether to click open their profile. (Just as it is for the irrepressible Barney, personal appearance is usually the initial attractant in online dating.) Still in Barney-mode, most online daters initiate contact if they’re still intrigued after reading the person’s online dating profile.

    Once contact is made, however, Robin’s sensibilities appear to take over. Most online daters don’t meet on the first contact. They take some time to get to know each other by exchanging emails, checking each other’s Facebook pages, and exchanging texts and phone calls before they arrange to meet each other in person. By the time they meet for a real date, online daters have more to go on than just a pretty face. In the initial stages of a relationship, however, we’re often back in Barney’s court. Getting up close and personal with each other can be either a turn on or a turn off. Physical characteristics, speech, manners, behavior, hygiene, education – the list of things that can click or not is endless.

    So here’s the question: How long does it take you to decide whether to stick with a date or cut your loses and invoke the lemon law?

  • Tweeting

    Is Tweeting Ruining Your Love Life?

    Apparently messages aren’t the only thing that are short on Twitter. Twitter users also have shorter romantic relationships than other daters, according to recently published dating trend statistics compiled by online dating site OKCupid. An analysis of more than 800,000 OKCupid users found that the more you tweet, the shorter your romantic attention span.

    According to the survey, 18-year-olds who were heavy tweeters shortened the length of their romantic relationships — which typically last 9 months at age 18 — by 2 full weeks. And the problem appears to become more pronounced with age. Daters over the age of 50, whose romantic relationships last an average 17 months, called it quits 2 months sooner if they were frequent tweeters.

    The question is why? Tweeting like texting helps people stay in touch, so why does frequent tweeting appear to throw a wet blanket over a budding romance? Perhaps absence does make the heart grow fonder. People who share their every thought with their date may be revealing too much too soon. A certain amount of mystery helps kindle romance and keep the flame of passion burning. Part of the fun of building a relationship is finding out about each other gradually. The surprise of discovering a common interest or seeing an admirable trait in your partner is part of the relationship building process that tightens the bond between two people.

    If the person you’re dating bombards you with tweet after tweet, you can start to feel shell-shocked by too much information too fast and often way too soon. Some quirks and annoying habits are best uncovered after the relationship is on solid footing and you’re prepared to overlook the bad (or annoying) because you see the good in your partner.

    Like so many things in life, a little goes a long way. An occasional tweet can be sweet and push a relationship along; but if you can’t control your tweeting, you’ll be kissing your date goodbye a lot sooner than you hoped.