• Online Profile

    How to Get the Right Person’s Attention with Your Online Profile

    Are you attracting the wrong people with your online profile or just hearing crickets?

    Most people make the same mistakes over and over again in their online profiles. They make generic comments about themselves like:

    • “I am funny.”
    • “I love dogs.”
    • “I like to travel.”

    B…O…R…I…N…G

    Don’t make someone fall asleep while reading about you.  What do you want to make your ideal partner think or feel about you?  You want to stand out!  The first step is to spend some time thinking about who your ideal partner is going to be attracted to.  Check out your “packaging” and compare it to what you imagine your dream partner is looking for.  Your packaging is your sense of style, the way your clothes fit your body, your hair, and your makeup.  This also includes your attitude.  In your photos, you want to smile and make sure that you come across as approachable.

    When you get to the writing portion of the profile, there is a fine line. Don’t give so much away that you don’t have anything left to share on a first date.  Pro Tip: Ask two close friends to each write a paragraph about you. You will likely be pleasantly surprised by what they have to say.  Here are our top 5 strategies for writing a magnetic profile.

    Create a funny and catchy username

    This is going to be your first opportunity to create the “wow” factor. Make sure that you stand out. Angela5411 doesn’t quite do the trick.   Here are some fun examples:

    • Hikingandhugs
    • AshleytheIncredible
    • Cooks4kisses
    • FoodieNfit
    • GymThenWine

    Headline

    You want to pick a headline that sums up what you are passionate about in just a few words or shows a unique and attractive part of your personality such as your sense of humor, positivity, or energy.  Here are some examples:

    • Are you the best thing that ever happened to me?
    • We will fall in love by chance, we will stay in love by choice
    • Feel the fear and do it anyway
    • The best way to predict the future is to create it
    • Nothing worth having comes easy

    Photos

    Here are the kinds of photos to avoid at all costs:

    • Shower selfies No explanation needed.
    • Pics with friends Do you really want to be compared to the other people in the photo with you?
    • Photos with Sunglasses Most people will assume that you are hiding something if you only have photos of you with sunglasses.
    • Unflattering photos Just because you don’t put up your worst photo of you doesn’t mean that you are being inauthentic.

    The goal is to put up a minimum of 3-5 good quality photos of you that showcase who you are. We recommend at least one up close photo, one full body, and one more informal shot showing you doing something you love.

    If you don’t get professional photos, you are doing yourself a huge disservice.  Often times people share with us that the idea of doing a photo shoot feels inauthentic or “fake”.  As experts, we remind clients that having great photos of you is the best way to make a phenomenal first impression.

    Don’t make statements about yourself, tell stories

    There is no better way to show someone how much you love to travel and how adventurous you are than by eluding to a fun traveling story.  Here are some examples of ways you can make someone want to know more about you:

    • “When we meet, don’t forget to ask me about Machu Picchu.”
    • “There was this one time in Bali where…(I will tell you the rest when I see you).”
    • “New Orleans is my favorite place to visit because the jazz gets me all the way down to my bones.”

    Be personally revealing without being bitter or depressing

    Here is an example of what NOT to say in your online profile:

    • “I am tired of meeting the wrong guys. I hope there is one good man left on this earth and that it is you.”
    • “Don’t contact me unless you are looking for marriage.”

    Yikes!  You could try something along these lines instead:

    • “My glass is always half full. I get inspired by….”
    • “The perfect guy for me is funny, charming, active, loyal and spontaneous.”

    Now you have the perfect recipe for making your profile magnetic to your ideal partner. Get out there! Get your photo shoot done and watch the changes in who is reaching out to you.

    If you want more tips on how to find love once and for all, go to datetosoulmate.com and download our free Date to Soul Mate Guide.

  • linkedin tips

    How to Make Your LinkedIn Profile Work For You

    LinkedIn is a very important social media platform these days.

    Linkedin has grown a lot, shows how much of ourselves we put into our work, and shows how important it is for people to have a digital place to talk about their career life.

    And, if you haven’t heard, more and more people are finding new jobs or hiring through Linkedin.

    Furthermore, there’s a lot of social value in a LinkedIn profile today. It’s become a part of who we are. LinkedIn gets compared and used in relation to online dating and other kinds of social Internet research.

    In short, no matter who you want to impress, dress up your LinkedIn page!

    That’s why we’ve compiled some favorite LinkedIn profile tips to help you to make your page a better window into your personal strengths and qualities, as well as to impress potential employers and others online.

    Take a look, and think about how you can put your best foot forward with a profile that’s not just “average,” but a stunning reflection of what you have learned and what you have accomplished in your career.

    Work with the Format

    Want to make your LinkedIn profile better? Work with the format the site provides.

    Make sure you know the rules and build your page so it is easy for people to read.

    It almost goes without saying that you want the best photograph available – a professional photo taken in good lighting, while you’re wearing professional clothes and looking good.

    In addition, lots of experts suggest creating attractive headlines for your profile to attract readers.

    Here’s another excellent tip that has to do with the format of the LinkedIn site — instead of going with the URL that you’re given, you can get your own custom URL that’s a lot easier to remember and type. You might not think this would make a difference — but it does.

    When viewers cut and paste all of that text garbage associated with the conventional LinkedIn URL, it ‘clutters up’ their experience on the site.

    By creating your custom URL, you’re making it a whole lot easier for people to visit and bookmark, and tag and remember your profile location.

    Use LinkedIn Features Effectively

    Another good tip is to use all of those extra features that LinkedIn provides to give your profile a bit of context. These can include recommendations, endorsements, company pages and more!

    You want to list your groups and affiliations so that people know what you’ve been involved with in the past.

    The same goes for the resume history that goes on the center of the page. This is one of the first things that recruiters and hiring managers read, so put some thought into what you include.

    LinkedIn also gives you the ability to list all your skills and tag the things that you are best at, to help people understand what you do when they visit your LinkedIn page and read about your career.

    Yet another LinkedIn feature is your network.

    This is probably the single most important feature to use in your LinkedIn profile. It’s where you reach out to people that you work with or known previously, and you build your network from the ground up.

    As you do this, you’re getting much more visibility for your profile — it’s just like when you add more Facebook friends — when you post, you have a bigger audience for your posts.

    When you extend your LinkedIn network, you’re not only getting more attention from those people, you’re building the context for your profile to make it more impressive.

    There’s one more feature that you want to pay attention to — endorsements.

    You can get your new LinkedIn contacts to endorse you for various skills, which will add proof of your abilities to your LinkedIn profile.

    Jazz Up the Content

    When you’ve mastered the basics of LinkedIn formatting and features, you’ll want to also put some work into the content that you’ve included on the page, especially in that resume portion.

    Some experts suggest using specific keywords in your LinkedIn profile, the same way that you would in a standard resume.For example, listing software skills and abilities shows recruiters more of what you can do in a clearer way.

    For example, listing software skills and abilities shows recruiters more of what you can do in a clearer way. There’s also the reality that a lot of companies run profiles or anything else through a computer program that looks for those keywords. Adding keywords can’t hurt, unless, that is, you end up keyword stuffing and making your profile look artificial or made up.

    Another good tip is to always be creative as what you put content on your profile.

    If you’re in between jobs, don’t just put unemployed — that’s a real bummer.

    Put in something creative that describes what you’re doing in the moment, whether they are self-employment gigs or anything else.

    In the same way, you want to dress up your profile by adding some of your personal ideas about your field or industry. You don’t have to write a book — just get some of your key ideas in there.

    Talk to people about what’s important to you – and they’ll probably want to read your profile more.

    Think of your LinkedIn profile as an ideal opportunity for an elevator pitch — a quick one-two narration of what you believe in and what you’re best at, to make other people believe in you, too. Brainstorm as you work on creating a fuller profile that delivers more of a concept to readers.

    Be truthful and not overly flashy — people who try to inject too much confidence and assertiveness into a profile can come off as being full of themselves.

    Another way to think about this is that just like in any part of the business world, you have to be a realist!

    Building a thoughtful and realistic assessment of yourself is going to work well for you when people actually read your profile.

    Do you have a LinkedIn Profile? What efforts did you put into creating yours?

  • Online Dating Conversation Starters

    Guaranteed Online Dating Conversation Starters

    Online dating conversation starters may seem contrived or disingenuous, but it’s all in the way you do it.

    Once in a while you meet someone you just click with and the conversation is effortless. You find yourselves talking about everything and anything for hours without effort. If your friends ask you about your new online special someone, you’re often surprised that you know little about where he or she grew up, what they does for a living or any of the other boring, practical questions that seem to color early getting-to-know-you dating conversations.  A simple conversation can help you discover a lot about someone like their favorite super hero, the strengths they value, what he or she learned while traveling through Spain or that you share a passion for Asian cuisine. Conversation can reveal a person’s personal values, world views, hopes and dreams, expectations and goals, and the big question: are you compatible? Could you build a relationship together?

    Online dating conversation starters may seem contrived or disingenuous, but it’s all in the way you do it.  The question should come to you easily and naturally, so don’t ask your questions like you’re following a script.  That will be awkward and not elicit the response you want.  We give you a list of some of our tried and true online dating conversation starters, but you can use them in any order, or only ask one.  The great thing about a conversation starter is that it starts the conversation.  Once you ask one of your questions, the conversation will just go from there.  If you ask about his or her favorite movie, they may ask you about yours, etc.  So also be ready to answer back your question if they ask you.

    First you have to get the conversation started (see our previous post on conversation ground rules) and that’s a matter of asking the right questions. When you call your new online crush for the first time or embark on a first date don’t be ordinary, here are our favorite online dating conversation starters:

    • If you were a super hero, what would your super power be?
      • How would you use it?
    • If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
      • What would you do first?
    • What is your favorite movie?
      • What makes it so important to you?
    • Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
      • What did you learn from them?
    • What event has had the biggest impact on your life?
    • What’s your favorite way to spend the weekend?
    • What was your favorite vacation?
      • What made it so great?
  • smartphone

    Are Smartphones Ruining Your Relationships?

    The smartphone is the most personal device we own. More than our keys, wallets or purses, our smartphones are with us at all times. They connect us to our favorite websites, social networks, text messages, email, photos, videos, games and more.

    The smartphone has become the most important tool in our lives, but is humanity’s greatest tool ruining our relationships?

    The hit television series “Black Mirror” is one of the most popular shows in the United Kingdom and a recent success in the U.S. on Netflix. It’s a science-fiction anthology that focuses on what technology and social media does to our society. Maybe your relationship with the phone isn’t so extreme, but for some it does hinder real-world connections.

    If you love your phone, here are a few ways to make it work for your relationships, not against them.

    Exit Your Bubble

    The biggest problem with smartphones is that they put us into a silo. Whether we’re out at dinner with a significant other, at a party or just around friends or family in general, spending time on the phone creates a virtual barrier.

    But you can have it both ways. Instead of burying your face into the blue light, take pictures with friends, share funny videos and memes with them or find other ways to make the phone a social experience. The goal here is to bring others into your silo.

    Respect ‘No Phone’ Time

    It’s fun to share pictures and show funny memes, but there are also times when the phone must stay in the pocket. It doesn’t matter if it’s a first date or 50th wedding anniversary, there are times when pulling out your smartphone and checking social media can ruin the evening. There are three safeguards to resist temptation:

    • Put you phone on silent or “do not disturb” mode so you won’t be tempted by any rings or vibrations.
    • Turn your phone completely off. The need to power on can be enough of a deterrent not to bother.
    • If possible, leave your phone at home.

    Switch to a Passive Device

    Let’s say disconnecting just isn’t an option. A smartwatch can help staying digital less intrusive to your relationship. Devices like the Apple Watch or Samsung Gear S2 smartwatch connect to your smartphone, texts, emails and more to bring notifications right to your wrist. And since the touch screens of smartwatches are small, it’s not a device you pass time with like a smartphone, so there’s less temptation to use it in social settings.

    At the Very Least, No Social Media

    Nine times out of 10 we’re looking through social media when our phones are out. That can be especially off-putting to others because we’re essentially ignoring a real person in front of us to look at digital people. It says to that person, “I know you’re right here, and I’m sort of listening, but I’m actually more interested in this other person on my phone.”

    Be present with the people you’re with and only check your phone if you’re expecting an important call or text. If you do need to take a call while you’re with someone, apologize for the interruption and ask for permission to take it.

  • Online Profile Pros, profile photo, dating headshots, profile picture

    Your Profile Photo- Why is it So Important?

    There may be a lot of fish in the sea, but you have to use the right bait to hook one. The profile photo you post when you join an online dating service is the “bait” you use to “hook” dates, so choose wisely.

    Let’s face it; online dating is a primarily visual experience. When you’re clicking through online dating profiles, you look at the person’s headshot first. If you like what you see, you click on his or her profile to find out more about the person. Actually, online dating is like dating in any other setting. A person’s appearance is usually the first thing that attracts your attention and kindles a desire to walk across the room and introduce yourself. As you chat, you may discover that you are not as attracted to the person as you were to their appearance; but if appearance hadn’t encouraged you to say hello, you’d never know. You could have missed the opportunity to meet the love of your life!

    Online dating works the same way. You browse through dating headshots, stopping to read the profiles of potential dates whose appearance attracts your attention. If you are as intrigued by a person’s dating profile as you are by their photos, you contact them. Otherwise, you keep browsing. The purpose of your online dating headshot is to catch the attention of other daters so that they’ll take the next step and read your profile.

    You don’t have to look like a Victoria’s Secret model or a Hollywood action star to attract attention on an online dating site. All you need is a dynamite profile photo and a few more great photos that show off your best qualities. The importance of the photos you post with your dating profile makes it worth having your online dating photos taken by a professional photographer. A pro knows how to use lighting, head and body angles, backgrounds, color and props to create the image you want to portray to other daters. To whom would you rather entrust your future romantic happiness – your buddy or a pro?

  • Dating Again

    Dating Again- How to Build Confidence

    Confidence is the courage to be who you are, especially when you’re dating again. You must first acknowledge your past and learn from your mistakes if you want to move on with confidence. Don’t beat yourself up for past inadequacies or failures anymore.

    It’s time to encourage yourself to start this new path, be your best coach and teach yourself to be self-confident, especially when dating again.

    When you decide it’s time to start dating again but lack the backbone to go for it, follow these strategies for building confidence and making a good first impression:

    You Have to Start Somewhere

    The big obstacle for dating again is to actually start dating. It’s awkward and uncomfortable whether you’re confident or not. But being single offers a new chance to find exactly what you are looking for. Start by going out with your single friends to get into the groove again.

    If you’re not into going out to bars at this point, online dating is a good way to meet new people without too much pressure. Write an honest (and excellent) profile and add a current photo so you don’t have to worry about covering up any lies. Or, join a club that offers group excursions for singles.

    Make a Good First Impression

    The saying “you have seven seconds to make a first impression” still rings true when it comes to your appearance on a date. A man in a tailored shirt with clean fingernails is going to have a much better chance at making a good impression than one in clothes that don’t fit with nose hairs hanging out.

    Clean yourself up, get a new shirt that fits and have a shave. Get some high-quality hair care products to get rid of damaged hair and roll a hint of perfume or cologne on your neck. These are simple ways to exude confidence.

    Once you are looking good, avoid the awkward silence by arming yourself with topics of conversation for your dates.

    Practice Non-Verbal Cues

    The ways you present and express yourself is through non-verbal communication and it is just as important as verbal cues. For example, bad posture gives the impression that you don’t care about your body and that you aren’t happy with yourself. Feel and convey confidence by:

    • Rolling your shoulders back and standing up straight
    • Having good eye contact
    • Initiating a strong handshake (ladies, this goes for you too!)
    • Keeping the tone of your voice cool
    • Giving your full attention when your date is talking

    Stop Apologizing

    Take inventory of how many times you said sorry today when it wasn’t your place to be apologizing. While it might seem polite or humble to say sorry even when it’s not your fault, it actually conveys weakness. Find out what drives you to say sorry and take steps to overcome that fear.

    If you’re in a situation to apologize, try using thank you instead of sorry. Check out Yao Xiao’s advice that is artistically visualized in her comics:

    • Instead of “Sorry I’m always late,” say, “Thank you for your patience.”
    • Instead of “Sorry I’m rambling,” say, “Thank you for listening.”

    It’s completely normal to lose your self-worth. Remind yourself of the tasks you have accomplished and understand that self-confidence is perpetuated by resilience.   Now get out there and start dating again!

  • date night

    Date Night Ideas: A Great Date from Start to Finish

    Forget dinner and a movie date night. Drinks at the bar? That’s out of the question, too. There are dozens of alternatives to these old-school date nights. Want to impress a new date? Worried you’ve been out of the game too long? Try this fresh approach to date night.

    Pre-Date Night

    It’s time to get your act together. Those old jeans and beat-up tee will not do. Get yourself to the mall and pick out some new duds. Don’t go overboard; a casual button down and designer denim will do. Complete the outfit with a sharp-looking watch. After you’ve given yourself a mini-makeover, it’s time to get groomed. Head to your local barber or The Art of Shaving to transform your look from scruff to up-to-snuff. If you look good, you feel good.

    At Her Doorstep

    This is your chance to make a winning first impression. Check your breath, your hair and your fly. Failure to do so could lead to some awkward moments. Surprise your date with a bouquet of fresh flowers. Opt for a garden variety rather than roses; this is a first date, not a proposal. If you know next to nothing about flowers but can navigate the web, get online and check out some flower companies. You can get a bouquet delivered, the same day as your date in some cases, and take them with you to surprise your date. Be a gentleman and be courteous. Whether you’re taking your own car or catching an Uber, escort her to the car and open to door. Manners make the man and chivalry is not dead.

    Date Night Ideas for Every Guy

    The Adventure Lover: Instead of jumping from planes, mountain biking or surfing, tone down your wild and adventurous side and take your date kayaking. Although you might be tempted to hit some whitewater, your date might not be up for it. Check ahead and make sure she’s cool with getting wet.

    The Guy with a Soft Side: Love the arts? Take a tour of a local museum and discuss the art and the exhibits you see during your date. Make sure that she shares the same interests, or you might bore her to tears and there won’t be a second date.

    The Shy One: If public speaking makes you sweat and small talk isn’t your thing, consider taking your date to a comedy show. It’s not as overdone as going to a movie, but look at is this way, you won’t have to do a lot of talking. Plus, you can loosen up with a few drinks during the show.

    The Rules of Waiting

    The rules are… there are no rules. Sure, self-proclaimed “dating experts” may claim that you have to wait “x” amount of days before you text your date after your initial meeting. Today, there are no rules. And, can you really trust an “expert” on dating? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of dating all together? Something’s not right here… Reach out to your date when it feels right to you, with a text a call, whatever.

    The Second Date

    For the second date, you’re going to have to be a little more creative. And do not repeat exactly what you did on your first date. If she shares your love of the outdoors and you went kayaking the first go-around, go hiking instead. If you toured a museum during your first meeting, check out a botanical garden for the second date. If you picked out the first date all by yourself, bravo, but for the second date pick her brain and see if she has any fresh date ideas.

    Do you have any date night ideas?  Let us know in the comments below.

  • Online Profile Pros featured

    Online Profile Pros in Huffington Post

    Online Profile Pros in Huffington Post article by dating expert, Lisa Copeland, of Find a Quality Man.

    The article called The 15 Best Do’s and Don’ts for Posting Pictures Online covers the Do’s and Don’t of online dating photos.  As you probably guessed, we at Online Profile Pros can discuss that topic for days, so it’s great when an online dating expert reiterates the importance of good photos when online dating.  We’re all visual creatures, so why try and fight it.  In the piece she states:

    DO hire a pro….The advantage of a professional picture is they help you stand out from everyone else on the site. Just make sure the photographer does minimal retouching……If you’re having trouble finding a photographer in your area, I’d recommend checking out Online Profile Pros. They know what they’re doing when it comes to taking the pictures you need to get noticed online.

    As our home page states, “90% of dating coaches recommend professional online dating photos,” and this article is further proof of that fact.  Make sure you’re making the right first impression online with great professional dating photos.  Remember, you can use your new photos for any dating site or app, as well as on LinkedIn and Facebook.  Improve your personal brand online can help you get an edge in online dating as well as your career.

    We also agree with Lisa’s statement about minimal retouching.  Just like you don’t want to misrepresent yourself with a 10 year (or more) high school photo, you don’t want to change the way you look with retouching.  We all know that retouching can do scary things like change your face shape, take 10+ years off your face, but if you do those things the guy or gal you’re meeting probably won’t recognize you.  Once they realize what you’ve done to your photos, they will probably end the date quickly and not ask you for a second one.  Never be dishonest with your photos or written profile.

  • Date Ideas

    8 Summertime Date Ideas to Spark the Romance

    Spark the romance by surprising her with a unique romantic summertime date, here are 8 date ideas to choose from.

    Longer days and warmer temperatures mean there are more options for going outside and enjoying time together. Here are 8 date ideas to romance your sweetheart and have her swooning.

    Pretend You’re Tourists

    Explore your city and its attractions to gain a fresh perspective on what makes your hometown great. Don your best tourist outfit (including fanny pack) and go sightseeing downtown. Get lost in the city, take pictures of each other in front of local popular attractions and visit places you’ve never actually visited because you live there.

    Hit the Farmers Market and Cook Together

    Get fresh produce and support local farmers and artists by visiting a farmers market. Plan a meal that consists solely of the freshest ingredients found at the market. Take the purchased items home and whip up a romantic meal for two together.

    Play

    Channel your inner child with a fun afternoon playdate. Pack your Frisbee, paddle tennis set and boccie balls because it’s going to get competitive. Fill a cooler with snacks, water and cold beer (if that’s your thing), and don’t forget sunscreen.

    Go Rummaging

    Beat the heat by getting up early and hitting yard and estate sales. Get there early to get the good stuff. The Dating Divas suggest having a garage sale scavenger hunt where you create a checklist of items to find while visiting different sales. Items can include a baby swing, tennis racket, self-help book, rollerblades and a board game. You can play the game together to make it a team effort.

    Play Outdoors

    If the weather permits, venture into nature together. Spend some quiet time alone with your girl and Mother Nature by renting a canoe or going on a hike.

    Have a Romantic Backyard Picnic

    All you really need to have a picnic is a blanket, food and good company. But if you want to get a little more creative with your setup, scour Pinterest for food and décor ideas. Here are some suggestions:

    • Set up a patio umbrella to use as a canopy to protect you and your date from the afternoon sun
    • Fill vases with flowers
    • Hang colorful paper lanterns from trees
    • Play soft music (jazz would be a good selection)
    • Set out pillows
    • Serve chilled white wine and a cheese and charcuterie board

    Check out a Music Festival

    Music warms the soul and brings people together. What better way is there to be one with your date than to attend an afternoon concert? And, summertime brings out the musicians. There are thousands of music festivals across the country even in the smallest of towns. Check with your local news station’s website for event listings.

    Go to a Carnival

    Ferris wheels, snow cones and hand holding — that’s a romantic afternoon at the fair. There’s nothing more romantic than meandering the colorful attractions hand-in-hand, laughing uncontrollably on the tilt-a-whirl and winning your date the largest stuffed animal you can hold (or a goldfish — one of the two). Get your kicks at a local carnival for a dreamy day date.

    So there you have our Top 8 Summer Date Ideas, but we suggest that you get creative when thinking of date ideas.  She or he will really appreciate the effort you too in researching date ideas.  Do you have date ideas that we missed?  We’d love to hear about it.  Please let us know your date ideas in the comments below.

  • Single Parent Dating

    Single Parent Dating Tips

    If you’re a single parent dating can be hard, but online dating can make it so much easier.

    Online dating sites give you the opportunity to meet many more people than you’d ever have the opportunity to meet rushing from the day care center to work to the grocery to your child’s gymnastics lesson. Time is one thing single parents never have enough of.  For the busy single parent dating can now fit into your busy life after you put your child/ children to bed.

    Dating online makes it easier to fit dating into your hectic schedule – and you should. When you’re a single parent, it’s easy to get lost in your children’s schedules and needs. But it’s important to remember that you are also an individual with needs of your own and deserve to have an adult life away from your children.

    Don’t let fear or guilt keep you from dating. Sure, it’s difficult to tell your children you’re going to go out with someone who isn’t mommy or daddy. But part of being a healthy role model for your children is showing your children how to be a strong adult and demonstrating how parents balance personal needs with child-rearing responsibilities. Preparing your children well before you actually start dating will lessen their anxiety. Talk about feeling lonely and needing friends your own age. Children can understand this. It may be difficult for them to adjust to your dating, but they want their parents to be happy and will adjust in time.

    Before you start dating online, you have to know what you’re looking for. For any single parent dating someone new can be daunting, so be honest with yourself. Are you looking for fun and an occasional escape from the demands of parenting? Are you looking for a fling with no-strings sex? Are you looking for romance? Are you looking for a new life partner? Knowing what you want will help you choose online daters who are looking for the same thing.